Bachelor In Paradise
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Do you feel that?
That sweet feeling of relief?
Ah, yes, this was all Katie Thurstons fault.
He tells us were close to the end, which was news to me.
Its impossible to know how long weve been on this beach or how much longer well be trapped here.
My new theory is that Playa Escondida is purgatory.
Which makes Jesse Palmer … Virgil, I guess?
My main experience withThe Divine Comedycomes from Dan BrownsInferno.
Anyway, Blake decides to leave, which sends Jess spiraling.
She wants to be in love and she tried to strong-arm her way into it.
Weve all been there!
But Blake is 33 and can tell when someones just not that into him.
But speaking of silliness and drama, Kylee runs after Blake, which confuses everyone.
I dont even think shes doing it consciously; this is just who she is fundamentally as a person.
Shes a Popular Girl, she cant help it.
But thats not really how people work.
I think we need to start thinking of the right reasons as a bell curve rather than a binary.
Most people fall somewhere in the middle, with a few absolute psychopaths on either end.
This is why you need besties.
Talking shit about a boy who broke your heart is even more fun than falling in love.
Meanwhile, Olivia is out here proving that the best revenge is living well.
Its some realCastawayshit, and Im just so happy for her.
Between sinking buckets and smooching Michael, though, Olivia finds time to be our trusty narrator.
This is my official plea to let Olivia share bartending duties with Wells next year.
Hell, let her host the show!
I love this ladys energy.
Jordan takes this advice to heart.
), but the stakes are too high.
He says hes always been attracted to her and, like, yeah, bud.
Shes a pretty girl.
Hes just a cartoon horny wolf going awooga at every nice pair of legs that walks by.
Anyway, Brayden brings Jess chocolates and she says she needs them after the day shes had.
Unfortunately for Brayden, though, Tanners angling for Jesss rose, too.
Ooh, thats a good line.
A little angsty but still strong.
Tanner is gunning for that Bachelor edit.
I would almost feel bad for the guy if I knew literally anything else about him.
Next up is Mercedes, who picks Jordan.
Instead, Rachel tearfully decides to leave.
Aw, Ill miss her!
