Bachelor In Paradise
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Friends, I forgot!!!
I cant believe I forgot!
(Though Im still pissed that Im watching people make out in bathing suits in NOVEMBER.)
Remind me of this next time I complain about early episodes being boring.
Okay, here we go.
Its the morning after Davia and Tanners date, and Kat is fuming.
Tanner pulls Kat aside for the requisite debrief, and Davia says she can feel the tension.
It sounds nice on the surface, but is actually empty and condescending, just like Kylee.
You have mutual goals but different strengths to help you achieve them together.
Everyone on the beach has agreed this is a normal thing to do, though.
Someday I will write a lexicon of this shows bullshit language.
Kat mostly stays silent and stares into the waves while combing her hair with her fingers.
Sorry to Elizas intro package, but this is the most convincing Little Mermaid impression on the beach.
The show has gotten too polite!
Kat is here doing the Lords work: screaming and sobbing and spouting nonsense.
You dont even open-mouth make out; I already knew I didnt want to marry you, she wails.
Kat marches back to the gathered women and immediately starts spinning the breakup as mutual.
Jess quips, Im glad we clarified that; thank you.
Where has this Jess been hiding?
As the women below chant, No F-boys!
They are just as delusional as Kat if they think thats the way that double standard goes.
Soon, Brayden starts accusing her of homie hopping when she starts showing an interest in John Henry!
Theres no double standard, guys; youre all just here to hurt each others feelings for our entertainment.
Itold yallKylee was a secret mean girl.
She has no reason to continue tormenting Olivia!
They live on my TV!)
Aaron sucks, I dont need a 360 review.
Blake says yes to the date but follows the rules and talks to Jess immediately after saying yes.
Again, these unspoken agreements are so silly.
This makes Jess feel guilty, and shes shutting down because shes overwhelmed.
Oof, babe, I think youre just not that into him!
Weve all been there!
Its entirely valid to just not click with someone despite nothing being wrong with them.
It happens genuinely all the time.
Thats all a day-oldBiPrelationship needs.
Everyone knows the deal.
Everyone signed up for this.
I mean, itsBrayden.
Before we get to Brayden and Beccas date, we must talk about Blake and Genevies.
They go out on a two-person kayak (or is it a canoe?)
and seem to vibe.
Oh, buddy, you do not need to worry about that.
I cant wait to see how this rose ceremony shakes out!
For their date, Brayden and Becca go to a tantric kitchen, which Brayden immediately recognizes.
Of COURSE, Brayden is familiar with tantra.
Anyway, hes so excited he does a Borat impression, which is the millennial mans love language.
The lack of self-awareness, the pettiness, the ego!
Kat, never change, and like stay on my TV forever.
Again, he speaks like a corporate CEO announcing layoffs, describing her as disgruntled.
I love Charity, but Im not sure I like her being here.
If shes just going to tell us what Aarons ex DMed her, I dont want it.
Id rather let Aarons actions and words speak for themselves.
Like Kat, hes fully capable of blowing himself up!
Its so much more interesting than going in polite little circles about clarity.
