Bachelor In Paradise
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The Almost Paradise intros are here!
I love these little vignettes because they give us such a perfect snapshot of each contestants personality.
Not based on what theyre doing in the shot but by how ridiculous theyre willing to look onscreen.
Jess blows glitter toward the camera self-deprecating and referential, but she still gets to look cute.
Olivia does a turn-and-smile.
Its boring, especially considering how outspoken she is on the beach.
Its no fun if you take yourself too seriously!
This is what we need from our reality dating-show casts!
Cue Aven walking down those stairs.
Jesse hands him a date card, and were off to the races.
True to Olivias prophecy, Kylee immediately says, Will who?
and jumps up to hug Aven.
Kylee once again reminds us that hes been liking her Instagram posts and sent her a fire emoji.
(The competition is not stiff.)
Poor Aven, though, assumes its a reference to the beautiful Pacific Ocean.
Kylees thirst traps worked, and Aven asks her to go talk first.
It doesnt work because Olivias rage has made her so transparent we might as well start calling herMrs.
Aven asks Kylee on the date, and she immediately accepts.
Actually, hes in abetterposition because he still has a rose.
This makes a lot of sense to me.
(I say Champagne, but its just Andre.
Production couldnt even spring for a Barefoot Bubbly?)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Aaron S. describes Will as a deflated balloon.
This conflict is resolved quickly, but the peace is short-lived.
Hannah Brown comes walking down the stairs, and youd think it was Margot Robbie by everyones reactions.
Kat starts breaking out in hives, wailing that she cant compete with Hannah.
Okay, this is part of why I dont like former leads returning toBachelor in Paradise.
The show itself acts like theyre above it!
Treat them as such!
That point is moot, though.
Hannah delivers a date card that says theyll be answering some burning questions at a bonfire that evening.
Youd still get to ask juicy questions, and the vibe would be a little looser and more fun.
Reading questions from index cards makes this feel likeThe View.
Two, everyone is way too diplomatic!
Its a good strategy, but its bad TV.
Kylee takes this as Olivia crucifying her, and Ive finally pinpointed why I dont like Kylee.
Later, she tells Aven that the conversation went really well.
What she meant was it went well forher.Will is crushed!
He just didnt yell at you.
With those loose ends tied up as far as Kylee is concerned, its time for the rose ceremony.
Three women are going home, so the ladies without a guaranteed rose are pulling out all the stops.
Most of them are angling for Peter, but Mercedes sees an opening and sets her sights on Will.
Whether or not thats true, it sure is convenient!
They make out a little after cuddling in a way that feels more maternal than romantic.
(Will does tell her that Mercedes is also his grandmas name.
Kylee spots them kissing from a confessional booth upstairs and starts clapping and cheering.
This is what I mean about Kylee being a secret mean girl.
She has enough plausible deniability that shes actually happy for them, but a nasty condescension is running underneath.
At least Olivias reaction, as hostile as it is, feels genuine.
If this is the kind of behavior he was displaying, I get it.
And yet, I am charmed.
I would think he was calling me old.
No one likes a tattletale, Sean!
What Aaronshouldhave done is talk to Sam to confirm that theyre still good.
What Aarondoesis confront Peter, whos currently chatting with Olivia.
Makemelook like an idiot?
But it totally makes sense that the guys wouldnt like him.
Aaron just keeps asking Peter if he called him immature.
Technically, he didnt; he just heavily implied it.
But again, this doesnt matter!
This is toxic masculinity, plain and simple.
Peter is pushing Aarons buttons and he cant let it go.
Peter is being obnoxious, but Im on his side on this one.
Oh God,not again!!!
Its time to hand out roses, and only Peters rose is a question mark.
Braydens goes to Kat, who hugs him even though his shirt forms a Rorschach test of sweat.
Olivia gets Peters rose, sending Greer, Cat, and Brooklyn home.
I hope these two form an alliance that wreaks havoc on these smug, popular kids.
