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This month, all threereleased personal memoirs and essay collectionsthat expand upon and dig deeper into this area.
Why did you write a book?Gary Gulman:Revenge.
Shell call me and say, Well, thats not who I am.
My wife is so helpful in these things.
Youll notice it is not titledSurviving Barbara Gulman.
It is not really about you, and he loves you.
Thats the joke answer.
Its sort of an extension of our stand-up.
Maria Bamford:I just put anything that I would yell onstage in capital letters.
:I listened to Marias book.
I just want to get this out there: I was blown away.
Aparna Nancherla:Its the highest compliment.
:Oh, no!
Well, I havent read yours yet, but I read Aparnas.
It was wonderful, because I get to know Aparna better as well.
Shes a lovely person.
I cant wait to read yours as well, Gary.
But the reason I wrote the book was just an offer of money.
How much money?M.B.
:Mine was $150,000, but I did not read the contract.
Do you know how thats paid out?
I do know, yes.M.B.
:Like fish to a seal.
Tiny little bits, my friends.
Oh, come on!
:Im sure theres a precedent for that.
:I just discovered absinthe.
I need another year.
Were there books you looked to for inspiration?A.N.
:I wanted to write an essay collection.
I have always enjoyed reading essay collections, whether comedic or not.
I really enjoyed Jessi Kleins and Mindy Kalings.
And I lovedBossypants, which is more a memoir.
But I also just love essay collections in general.
I love Jia Tolentinos book.
Im going to just give up.
Also, when youre writing a book about self-doubt, youll take any excuse to stop writing.
:I read so many books about memoir and writing.
Then I read Stephen KingsOn Writing.
It was the funniest thing I ever read, and it gave me something to aspire to.
It was so beyond what I feel Im capable of, but I love that.
And then Anne LamottsBird by Bird, and Mary Karrs book on memoir and her memoir.
So I just kept reading, and then I realized,Oh, Im just putting off my writing.
And I said, Okay, you better earn some reading by writing for an hour.
So I was just reading and writing all day, and luckily Im married to a reader.
My wife reads all the time.
It was also during the pandemic, so everybody understood any kind of behavior.
So it was really helpful.
:I read aMemoir Writing for Dummiesbook.
Theres some really beautiful memoirs out there.
Theres no aspiring to that.
Like, theres no way.
Gary, you already mentioned your mother.
Did you all discuss what you could or could not include with your families?
Its okay, right?
Its probably not okay.
But she also talks about me.
My sister writes, and she writes about me in her book.
Theres a little confusing dynamic there.
We could work it if we took a class.
:That feels fair, though, that you both have books as outlets.
G.G.:Yeah.
I felt bad about certain things.
At one point she said, Now your Uncle Norman, the burglar, is he still alive?
And I said, Oh, no.
And she said, Okay, good.
Because there are certain people who they dont want to sue.
But then they said, Do you think theres any way your mother would sue you?
And I thought,I hope not.
Then I also think of the idea that I could have gone way harder.
:I feel like my dad was very diplomatic.
My dad was like, Well, if thats what you remember, then fine.
And I was like,Okay, this feels like the best place were going to get with this.
:Thats so healthy because my family just fact-checks everything: That didnt happen, and thats not how.
Can I ask a question?
Yeah, go for it.G.G.
:How long from when you started?
I started in January of 2020 right before the pandemic, and finished February of 2023.
So it took me three years, and I was supposed to do it in much less time.
But they wound up taking even more time.
So Im just curious how long it took you guys in total.
:It took me like three and a half years.
Yeah, it was ridiculous.
:Okay, I dont feel as guilty.
:I think it was spring 2019, and then I turned it in December 2022.
So also about three years.
:I loved that.
:Yeah, in the audio, there was an audio cue for those types of things.
It was really fun.
I would get three pages in and scream, Its just their act!
I know their act, and I was outraged and I felt conned.
Those 80s comedians, they stuck with the same hour for 60 years.
Because you cant go from there into, There are a lot of different varieties of Oreos these days.
:Im there for you on that.
:Yeah, me too.
Im ready for the transition.
Is she still around, your dads mom?
:Oh, no.
Nor is my dad.
My grandmother immigrated from Russia in, I want to say, 1900. :Oh, wow.
:Did she ever get to leave the institution?
Or was she institutionalized her entire life?
It was relentless with this poor guy.
So Im really grateful that he was able to manage mental illness much better than I did.
A.N.:Wow.
And yeah, Id be down to watch all that as stand-up.
Well, sure,youtwo would.M.B.
:I mean, people are monsters.
Not that thats not important too, but I think thats a different alley of the art form.
I do love to watch it.
This was so amazing.
You gave the person $100 to interact with you.
And oh my gosh, worth every penny.
M.B.:Yeah.
Thats a new bit Im working on is that thats invisible work.
I want to acknowledge the skill it takes to talk to a comedian.
Anyways, there are no jokes there, obviously.
:No, I do those things sometimes where the celebrity invites you and never mentions pay.
So was that worth it?
I just felt terrible about myself.
You watched my show, and now youre snubbing me?
:I did a show recently that a famous person asked me to.
:No, it is.
:When somebody says somethings a benefit, I just go, I would like to give money instead.
My husband and I and it is virtue signaling give 11 percent of our income to charity.
Could we give more?
And its just like, People used to die of exposure.
:And its not virtue signaling.
You are a very generous person!
:In so many cultures, it doesnt count if its said.
Like, its not a mitzvah if you tell anybody about it.
On every seat in every theater, theres a Jewish name on the back.
It never says anonymous Jew.
It says the Weinsteins.
:Its heartening to know that you guys have the same experience.
But sometimes they want to do private gigs where she has the seals give her a kiss.
And Im like, The reason they hire you is because they need you.
That seal wants to kiss you and only you.
All of you talk about struggling with mental health onstage.
:I think its great.
I want to hear more points of view.
Its just positive for me, anyway.
I dont know what Im talking about.
But also, I wouldnt make it at the Store.
:I think there are a couple of things going on.
At the very least, there are two other Jewish men who feel the same way as me.
I remember there was a woman in Boston when I first started named Barbara Swanson, rest in peace.
She talked about being on Prozac in 1993.
I remember thinking,Oh my gosh, Im on Prozac.
I would never tell anybody who wasnt my doctor that I was on Prozac.
I keep it from my family, I keep it from everyone.
Shes telling a room full of strangers.
So thats not good.
As far as young comedians talking about it, I love it.
:Pearls before swine.
:Yes, yes, yes.
:I know Maria said she admires crowd work … Its awful.
I came here to hear jokes that can be enjoyed as forms of art!
I think they should give the audience their money back if they dont do any jokes that they pre-wrote.
Also, crowd work is not that hard.
And its always men, and they do it six shows in a row.
:I might be coming from a different perspective.
I feel like Maria and Gary were already talking about mental illness in their act before I did.
Because before, I thought everyone felt that way, they just handled it better than I did.
I was really excited to tell everyone I had depression.
Id be like, Thats why Im kind of glum.
Seeing younger generations do that, Im like,Yeah, youve got to be open about it.
But yeah, I love that its become more in the ethos.
How is your relationship to truth in your books different than your acts?A.N.
But I didnt change things about my family that I remember.
My husband and I talked about our relationship, so I dont think I changed anything there.
With stand-up, Im much more likely to fudge the details to make it.
I tell this story about Harvard.
It was one of those things where you go,Yeah, I want the prestige.
Im so delighted by the shiny object.
And then you did get closer to the shiny object, and you wish you were getting paid.
I feel more comfortable doing that onstage.
There was that guy who lied in his memoir, and Oprah was very disappointed in him.
And I would say, Yes.
I promise my mother really said that verbatim.
I was so worried.
And Im like, Oh, no, Im not lying.
All the books express some desire to help someone in some capacity.Was that something you thought about?
Is it different than stand-up?A.N.
I have a bit about the suicide hotline and how theres sometimes a 45- to 90-minute wait.
So that was nice.
My book covers kindergarten through 12th grade, and it shows I was miserable a lot of the time.
But it also shows I was doing these things that I never thought I would be able to do.
hey remind yourself that you are a machine of overcoming things that you thought would eventually be impossible.
I used to get so anxious when they would tell me it was on Zoom.
So I bring a ring light everywhere I go, just in case.
Would you write another book?A.N.
I just think I need to go as far away from my inner demons as possible.
:If anyone offers me money, yes.
:I have the same feeling.
