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Few actors have pretended to get married as often as Jennifer Lopez.
If two is a coincidence, and threes a pattern, then four is a cry for help.
Shes also often a producer on her films, meaning she isinthem as well asofthem.
Within Lopezs wedding-logistics cinematic universe, planning your nuptials inevitably turns you insane and unrecognizable.
There is at least a 50 percent chance your fiance is a doctor.
The wedding, its own sentient entity with a strong survival instinct, will lurch forward regardless.
.Who is the bride?
In this movie, we have several.
But of course, as in all of these films, Lopez is also the bride.
Alas, they cannot do anything about it, because she is already planning his wedding.
.Whats her damage?
To what extent is she a quietly and unbelievably good person?She plays Scrabble with the elderly.
.Who is the groom?
He is six feet tall.
So is he a white doctor of at least six feet tall?Yes.
.Whats his damage?
Steve has a hard time leaving people behind he always does the right thing.
.What kind of wedding is it?
.Who or what is ultimately trying to keep the bride and groom apart?
Massimo stalked Mary as a child and is a freak.
And these prior engagements thwart Mary and Steves theoretical wedding.
Does the wedding get called off?Two of them are called off.
.What is being telegraphed about the wedding industrial complex?
Any specifically trenchant insights?Love cant always be perfect.
Love is just love.
Steves mom is MIA, which is never explained.
Instead of playing a San Francisco control freak obsessed with weddings, Lopez plays Charlotte, a.k.a.
Charlie, a free-spirited, long-haired hippie in Los Angeles.
She is a temp but secretly an artist.
She has a yarn poncho.
She is anorphan with a free spirit and many food allergies (nuts, soy, blueberries).
As a result, she sets about destroying Charlies life.
Dr. Kevin Fields, played by Michael Vartan.
One that takes place at Violas sprawling Los Angeles mansion.
J.Lo must break the cycle or be doomed.
Does the wedding get called off?Almost Charlie is about to tell Kevin she cant marry him when …
But does it then get called back on?…
Viola appears and apologizes for her behavior, and begs Charlie to carry on with the whole thing.
But when the light hits them, they change to hazel.
And if you look really closely in the iris, the color is pure honey.
I dont understand its plot, nor its characters motivations, nor its version of reality.
Moreover, its male protagonist is one of the most malevolent characters ever to grace a stage or screen.
JenniferLopez is Kat Valdez, who is basically Jennifer Lopez.
Now shes a woman north of 35 in a business that marginalizes women at any age.
People love their artists to bare their souls then vilify them if they go too far.
But how sad are her dinners?She juices and scrolls Instagram videos of herself.
Kats first groom is Bastian (Maluma), who is basically Maluma.
The two plan to marry onstage at a livestreamed concert while premiering their new song, called Marry Me.
I really dont know why, and we never get a good explanation.
God, where to begin.
Whoever wrote this character committed an act of psychological violence.
To what extent is he a quietly and unbelievably good person?He is an established agent of Satan.
Does someone make a joke about him being secretly gay?I cant talk about him anymore.
One that takes place on a stage in front of 20 million people.
Bastian, a little bit, but mostly Charlie, by simply being himself.
Kat and Charlies prospective wedding seems like it wont and should not happen, but then …
I think this movie was written as a quiet warning, actually.
One last SOS flare, shot desperately into the dark sky.
Any specifically trenchant insights?I think were just too different.
What if were not?
Is the movie title a pun?No.
Briefly, Charlie talks about how his mom is dead.
Do you think she would have liked me?
(He is not.
Thats the whole point of this movie, actually; its that simple.
I get it now that I am typing it.
J.Lo is Darcy Rivera, a woman who is getting married and not that excited about it.
Her parents got divorced when she was in high school and they now hate each other.
To what extent is she a quietly and unbelievably good person?She did Peace Corps.
And thats called feminism!
Insecurity and Etsy addiction.
To what extent is he a quietly and unbelievably good person?He is sensitive.
It takes place on a small, private island in the Philippines.
Darcy tells Tom, The last few months youve turned into a different person.
He replies, Im sorry, I just wanted everything to be perfect.
And thats … called feminism.
Men are as capable of being seduced by the siren song of Wedding Capitalism as women.
And thats … called … feminism.
Any specifically trenchant insights?I thought if we had the perfect wedding, wed have the perfect marriage.
But that doesnt exist.
Darcys mom is more of the villain here, complaining about her fathers new girlfriend and being generally unpleasant.
